Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
