I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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