If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
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