Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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