so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
