He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
