apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
