Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize