im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Randomize
