He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
