I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
