Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
