you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
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