butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
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