you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
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