Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
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