she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
zippers are such a cool invention
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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