oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
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