bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
