Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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