Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
