It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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