So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Randomize