He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize