Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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