Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
