she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
