i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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