What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
