Please, let me fuck your mom
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
