So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Randomize
