I wish I could teleport
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Randomize
