UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
there is glitter all over my balls
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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