You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
