found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Randomize
