i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
