He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
