like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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