And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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