She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
