okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
