I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
