Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
