I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
