yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Sext me about skeletons
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
