There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
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