I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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