I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
