If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
