It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
