i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
