her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
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