My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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