I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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