At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
