here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Randomize
