You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
