yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
