No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
