okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
