he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
