I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize